Am I giving too much?

I'm currently going through one of those juggling-everything-but-failing-miserably-at-everything kind of phases and it's stressing me out and I don't like it. Stress used to be something I felt on a daily basis until I just decided one day that it had to stop.

Since then life's been pretty good to me. I haven't reacted in a bad way to any hurdle thrown at me, because I haven't allowed myself to worry too much. I still worry a little, but it isn't living my life for me like it used to.

But now I'm trying to do so many projects both at school and on my free time while also giving so much of myself to other people that I feel a bit like (quoting 15-year-old anxious, burnt out Em) "a gummy bear stretched too thin". I'm not a huge fan of gummy bears, but feeling like one myself is even worse.

I have a hard time saying no, but I've gotten better at it. But I still feel so guilty for everything I don't do, especially things that aren't humanly possible for one person to do alone.

I've been thinking a lot about givers and takers, and it's pretty clear what I am. All my life I've prided myself on my niceness and strongly disagreed whenever someone's said that I need to learn to stand up for myself. I don't love being a door mat, but I'd defend my doormat:ness to my death.

My motto has always been "The happiest people make others happy", which is a great way to think, but it says nowhere in there that it means hating myself for being selfish when I take a day off or spend time working vigorously on following my own dream.

I don't want to feel like a gummy bear. I don't want to feel guilty about being happy or feel selfish when I succeed. It's self sabotage and it's not ok. It's time to stop acting like I hate myself, because I really don't.

My opinions matter. My words matter. My time matters.

A lot.

Miserable people either take too much or give too much. Successful people know when to give and when to take. If all you do is give, eventually you'll find yourself having nothing more to give of.

You can't share what you don't have. So let the sun shine on you, and you'll spread light wherever you go.

No comments:

Post a Comment