100th Blog Post

I have been mindlessly flipping pages in different books, not really trying to read but just relishing in the idea of reading. Words floating in front of my eyes with new worlds, endless possibilities, and tearful farewells.I chose this blue book for this picture not because I've read it yet--you know how it is when you plan on reading too many books.

I chose it because this summer marks the end of an era.

Eight years ago my family moved from a little town in the cow-smelling countryside of Sweden to the outskirts of the third largest city in Finland. And what also happened eight years ago was that Finland won the world championship in ice hockey.

Now, I don't care about ice hockey. At all. I might even hate it. Yeah, I definitely dislike it quite a bit.

But now Finland won again, and I'm about to leave this country behind. Which makes my tacky symbolistic writer brain think how bittersweet that is.

All the growth, all the memories made, all the daydreams seen... I can only imagine how disappointed my 12-year-old self would be if she saw me today.

She believed that the moment she became an adult, she'd be beautiful, well liked, smart, happy and popular, have a bright future and wonderful career going, making tons of people smile with her musical talent every day.

But the thing is, I'm not sure I want to be that "perfect" person anymore. All the things I wished for as a kid are incredibly subjective. Some days I feel beautiful, I know that people like me, I guess I was smart enough to get into uni, and what does being popular even mean?

But I don't know what the heck I'm doing most of the time. Yet.. right now I like it that way. I'm a total mess! (Which, in turn, helps me make people smile because self deprecating humor is awesome!) Yay, win win!

I know a lot more than I did back then, and I know that I'll never be able to know enough. I kinda have an idea of what kind of person I want to be, because I have strong values and I want to make people smile, not because I'm the most talented, but because maybe I can show them that we don't need to be.

I'm so ready for the next "era". I can't wait to be a little bit wiser, kinder and way more grateful.

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