The cycle of self doubt

 This morning I was looking through the first chapter of the first draft of my current manuscript.  Accidentally, I read some of my old writing and then proceeded to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and wonder if I'll ever be good enough. It was a page I used to be so proud of. I thought it was the best writing I'd ever done. But it sucks.

I don't even know what makes it so bad, but it's the worst piece of writing I've ever read. And the first thought that should have come to my mind is: "Wow, I've progressed so much!"

Instead I thought: "If I sucked that much a year ago and thought I was great, then I can't show my writing to anyone because in a year it'll be the worst." And that puts me in an endless cycle of self doubt and fear.

It's a stupid way of thinking. But it's how I felt: stupid.

Stupid for thinking I could ever do this and ever be good at it. But you know what? If I can grow this much as a writer in just a year, I'm pretty accomplished. One year isn't that long, and I've written and worked harder on my novel than ever for the last twelve months. So it doesn't matter if my writing will look stupid in a year, because at least I'm not standing still.

I'm practicing, changing, learning and growing. Falling down and rising back up again. That's the cycle I want to be stuck in.

A cycle of growth, not doubt.

Freedom comes from not caring about who you've been, but who you'll be. Remember: Grow, don't doubt.

Love, Em.

Creating realistic and unique worlds

Good characters and plots are nothing without an amazing setting.

Your world should be a living, breathing being in itself. It should change, evolve and play a part in your story just like your characters do. To help you create a world that sticks out and feels alive, go to these links. I will write a post about creating magic systems and how magic affects everything in your world next week.

Here are my favorite websites and blog posts for world building:

Fantasy world builder's guide teaches you the basics of building a world in thirty days. Go through each of the "days", and at the end of it, you'll have a world! This resource is one of my favorites because it goes through topics and aspects of a world that most of us don't even think about when world building and usually take for granted.

Water geography by CleverGirlHelps is a resource for both those who love geography (like me!) and those who don't really get it. If you know lots about geography, this blog will remind you of things you may not have thought of and help take your world's realness to the next level.

If you don't know how rivers and lakes form, or why they look the way they do, and why they are where they are--this is also for you. I see unrealistic bodies of water in fantasy maps all the time and it annoys me so much. It doesn't matter if your world is full of magical creatures and there are fantasy elements--if gravity works like on Earth, rivers flow downstream, not up. Ok?

Weather and world building 101 by Karen Pon is a must-read for all who desire to create a world which doesn't make any (even slightly) educated person roll their eyes. You don't want to look stupid, so read this.

Medieval Technology by Damon m. Lord is an interesting article about technology and weapons you can use in your fantasy that has a medieval setting. And even if your story isn't set in medieval times, this may spark some inspiration. 

World building is so much fun. What is your favorite part in the writing process? I'd love to know in the comments! :)

Happy writing!!

Work for your dreams

Post from my instagram:

"Sleepy little flower princess ♡
I didn't feel motivated at all this morning, but I made myself write anyway because this is what I want. I've been living my dream life these past few weeks. I'm on summer break and am able to do the things I love all day, every day. Writing, drawing, painting, filming random little videos, creating content for my website... It's been amazing and I love my life more than ever before. But the problem is that I haven't done the work to deserve this yet (okay, I did just graduate, but I feel like I haven't done enough). It's fun to chill out in the sun, but I could be working at the same time instead of just laying there in the grass watching youtube. I've realized that I need to do the work and then I can live like this.

Of course I have to also relax and enjoy life, but I can't just do things only when I feel like it, because then I won't be living my life to the fullest. Self love is important, but so is self discipline. I used to be a pro at forcing myself to do stuff, but I guess I've grown too comfortable when school ended.

Today when I wrote even when I didn't want to, I felt so in control. This is my life and I decide what to do with it. I can either be lazy and live with my regrets, or I can get to work and love my life. First it was hard, but then I found myself having so much fun that I couldn't stop.

This is what I want. My story is what makes my life have a purpose. I want to be in control of myself and be independent and happy. I want to get old knowing that I did everything I possibly could for my dreams. The difference between dreams and reality is work. I don't remember who said that, but what matters is that we all understand it. I have always known what I need to do in order to fulfill my dreams, but lately I've gotten a bit lazy.

Remember to know your limits and work as hard as you can. Don't hate yourself for the mistakes you do. Learn and move on. That's what I'll do.

If camp nanowrimo didn't start off that well, make up for it the rest of the month. It's never too late.

We can write our stories. We can build amazing lives and be super happy every day :)