Today has been a day of strenuous pondering, planning and note-making.
I have stared out of the window, watched raindrops race down the glass and listened to cars driving by, splashing water on the sidewalks. I've seen inspirational videos and tried so hard to figure out my brain, and now I am exhausted, before even having written a single word.
I am happy. I have joy like I've never experienced in my life. I have everything I need and all I could ever ask for. I am so incredibly blessed every single day. But I keep having these thoughts that make me want to be more.
Because I have been given so much, I want to be able to give back. I want to be a better listener, a better friend, a better creator, a better storyteller, a better source of inspiration, motivation and creative advice.
It's the one last thing that's missing.
To make an impact.
I feel like I owe the world so much.
I'm comfortable where I am, but in order to be who I need to be to give back, I need to get out of my comfort zone, and it terrifies me. It's so much easier to make myself happy, but so much harder to make others happy.
How do you handle the fear when you need to take a huge leap of faith in your life? I haven't felt this lost in ages.
There's something that comforts me, and that is knowing that I've been here before. Before any revelation comes a period of being confused, struggling and having a total mental block. Whatever troubles my mind, I can get through it.
Something else that is of huge comfort to me right now is that I feel I'm heading in the right direction. The things I'm doing, the thoughts I'm having, the questions I'm asking are all propelling me forward.
The past is a beautiful thing, but I tend to get so caught up in nostalgia sometimes that I forget to look into the future.
There's a bright, colorful, beautiful world in front of me. A glorious, wonderful, awe-striking life waiting.
I don't know how to enter yet, but the door is somewhere, and I can already feel the smile tugging at the corners of my lips in anticipation for the day I unlock it.
For now, I just have to keep living.
There will always be questions we can't answer, fears we feel we can't tackle. But we keep living, we do it anyway, we fight on for the sunny days.
Today I fill my mind with happy thoughts, so that tomorrow I can open up to the world and tell a happy story.
Every day is a new beginning. Make each "Once upon a time" count.
I found you on instagram recently and was so impressed with your creativity, inspiring words and passion for life in everything you share! I wish I was as smiley as you girl! Wish you all the best things. Keep inspiring!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I can't even describe how happy that makes me to hear :D It's all I want from life!!
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