Turning Twenty is Hard

Soo I guess it's officially 20 years since I decided to be born, and I honestly think this is going to be my best birthday yet. If you've been following me for a long time, you know that good birthdays never happen for me, so this is a first... But I feel really happy right now.

Obviously it's not perfect. I've got things that won't stop plaguing my mind. But I'm here, in this moment, paint on my fingers, music in my ears, a smile on my lips and no stupid tears.

I didn't mean for that to rhyme... Sometimes that just happens I guess. I spent all of my pre-birthday doing things I love, spending every second well and embracing the fact that I'm super old now.

There's still that 5-year-old little girl inside me who won't shut up about my horrendous age, but I'm trying to think more positively. All of my birthdays since I turned 10 have been full of tears, agonizing over still not having accomplished anything great in my life and wishing I could travel back in time and be a better person.

I mean, it's good to reflect and try to better ourselves, but I had my first age crisis at 10. Come on.

I've got to admit that last week was tough. I did think a lot about the fact that now I'm not a teenager anymore, and have to accept that I'll never be a teen author (not a big deal to me now, but my 15-year-old self would be bawling her eyes out. Sorry, gal, your book sucked. This is for the best).

Things like these take time, and something I have learned during these 20 years of creating stuff and telling stories has been that I can't rush things. I can work hard, push myself forward and give my everything. But sometimes I can't control everything, and I've realized that's just a good thing.

So, I'm growing up, and it's painful at times. But I'm learning a lot, and I'm glad that I can always be learning, no matter how old I get.

My 20s have begun, and I hope I'll spend the majority of this new decade with paint on my fingers.

 #happybirthdayme <-- literally this time.

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